2020 The Year of the Unexpected

I want to sit here and write that 2020 was the worst year ever and it can kick rocks, but that’s not something I can’t truthfully say. This was a difficult year to say the least, but it turned out to be the year I needed. I needed a reset, that push, because without it I would have continued to float along without purpose or drive. I needed to find my voice, my reason, and my courage. These last few years I have lost a part of me. I lost the girl who was willing to work hard for the things she wants and stand up for the things she believes. Last year I had no choice but to find her. I grew wiser, stronger, and ready to take on challenges that came my way. I lost a lot but gained an angel that watches over, protects, and guides me. I found my strength and my will to keep going. I also found a therapist because childhood trauma sticks with you and it’s always the right time to let go of what’s holding you down. I gained some amazing friends and a new love for Facetime, thanks Candace. I wore some pretty dresses and got featured in a couple magazine articles. I also attempted to dance on Tik Tok, and those videos will stay in the draft pile never to be seen. Lastly, I survived.

2020 was the year I decided to go for it. I am the queen of a good self-sabotage. I have a huge problem with consistency and follow through. As soon as things start to work out, I give up and find something to nitpick about, or just plain lose faith in myself. I told myself that this year I have no choice but to go for it win or lose.  I remember having a conversation with my husband at the beginning of January and I said, “If I can’t find a way to make blogging/influencing profitable then I am going to quit.”  Over the last couple of years, we have invested so much into Curvy and Curls: money, time, weekends, etc. that I found myself in a lot of debt without any return. I couldn’t keep doing it. My credit cards were almost maxed out and I didn’t see a way out. In my mind I was failing at everything and I am so scared of failing again that I knew I had to give myself no choice but to put in the work. I researched affiliate programs and links, I stepped up my content, I pitched myself to brands and became ridiculously frugal so I could pay down my debt. Any extra money that we had after bills and saving a little, was put on my credit cards. Unpopular opinion - I love influencing. I love connecting with you, telling my story, talking about my favorite things, getting and giving recommendations. I was not giving this up without a fight. I’m proud to say that I will not be quitting blogging and influencing and Curvy and Curls is here to stay, unless we rebrand! I put in the work and made a little bit of money and I have paid off all my credit card debt. If this was any other year, I wouldn’t have been disciplined enough to do it. 

People joked at the start of quarantine that a lot of couples were going to break up, get pregnant, or go to therapy. I am not opposed to having a baby or going to therapy but none of those were my outcome. My husband and I were the boring people that grew closer together during this time and I couldn’t be more thankful. When you have been married to someone for 9 years you realize that the honeymoon phase of ‘everything is rainbows and butterflies’ kind of dims. That doesn’t mean you don’t love the person and or don’t want to be with them, but your relationship changes over time. Working from home and quarantine brought us closer together and reminded us why we got married in the first place. I can honestly say I thoroughly enjoy my husband and seeing him every day all day. We still disagreed and had our issues, but it was over dinner requests and coordinating which room to be in for meetings. I am very thankful for this year and the amount of time we got to spend together. I am thankful for the effort towards our relationship that we put in this year and I’m thankful for his strength to help me when I felt like my world was ending.

Now, don’t get wrong this year brought a lot of sadness, anxiety, and depression. I thought she was tucked away somewhere never to come out again but this year all the emotions were on full display. I never knew how much a hug would brighten my mood because I hadn’t ever imagined that would be something we weren’t able to do. I never thought I would spend the holidays without my family or not get a ‘Merry Christmas’ from my father. I also never dreamt of the day that I would go to the hospital and find out I didn’t make it in time; my aunt had already passed away and I didn’t get to say goodbye. My aunt meant the world to me and even though I was protecting her by not seeing her in person I should have made other ways of communication a priority. The death of a family member is terrible any time. Death of a family member during a pandemic is heartbreaking. I selfishly wish I had more time with her, and I thought I did. You never know when you are going to lose someone so make that effort now before it’s too late.

2020 reminded me that we only have one life and if we aren’t going after the things we want, fighting for every opportunity, using our voice to be heard, standing up for what’s right, making an effort with the people we love, then what are we doing? If we aren’t moving up, out, and forward then we need to re-evaluate our lives. 2020, I hope, allowed you the time to put things into perspective like it did for me. We are never going to get a year like that again so don’t use what happened last year as an excuse for not trying. Use what happened last year as motivation to keep going. You survived 2020, which is a blessing, now what are you going to do?

Unlike previous years I have been very hesitant to make goals or resolutions. Probably because I scroll on Instagram and see that everyone else already has it “figured out”. But last year taught me that curveballs can come in when you least expect them. So, I’m not making resolutions. I have some things I want to achieve but if they take me longer than this year that’s okay because that’s my business and that’s my journey. What I am doing is “Focusing and Trusting” this year. Yes, I am now one of those people that has a word or phrase of the year, but anything I want to do or achieve requires focus and trust. No matter how long it takes me get there I can’t get there without those two words. So I challenge you if you haven’t made goals or resolutions this year to take some time to pray and meditate on what it is that you want to accomplish. Let me know in the comments below what that phrase or word of the year is for you, and let’s all set our sights up, out, and forward.