My Skin is Not a Trend

There’s been so much going on in the world over especially over the last 3 weeks, Blackout Tuesday being one of them. I do think the thought process behind it was a good idea but here's the thing: have you ever taken a second to think that muting our voices stops the actual work that needs to be done? Our community is hurting, our community is in pain, and there are people and organizations that fight every day for this injustice to end. But you are only giving up your Tuesday post to say that you are joining the trend and now two weeks later most people have either deleted that post or have archived it like it never happened. My skin and my life are not a trend. I live in this black body every day and until people really take the time to learn, educate, and change - my skin will always be at the top of headlines. Former President Barack Obama stated that we need to have a list of actionable items to really be able to make a difference. Just saying you want the world to care more about black lives without actually having a plan to do so is naive. I am not an activist and I have a hard time using my voice, but as a black girl in mostly white spaces I have an obligation to use my voice now more than ever. So, here is where I think we can start:

1. Education. Families, please start taking the time to speak to your children about what is happening. Order books, borrow books, read books, watch movies, tv shows, etc. on the subject. Figure out a way to respectfully talk to your children. People want to say that children are the future, so if we want things to change for them let's start with them. Elsa can wait, let that go and find resources as a family you can enjoy and learn through together. Take a minute and look through your children's books and if you don't have one story that centers on black children, then go to Amazon and buy one. If you only have toys that have your skin tone next time you are at Target buy one with another skin tone that is different than your own. Teaching your children about diversity can start in the simplest ways by allowing them to see other races in forms to which they can relate.

2. Talk to your families, your parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. We are all so engrossed in our phones and computers that we don't take the time to talk. Ask them how they feel about what is going on. Ask them their thoughts on racism. If you really want to take it to the next level, ask your parents how they would feel if you dated a black person; and if they say “don't” or “as long as you don't marry one”, or if they make jokes about it  - press them on why they feel this way. Keep talking. Don't just do it now because you feel like all of a sudden you have an obligation due to what is happening. Keep talking. Have conversation. Have dialogue. If you are uncomfortable talking about it, do it anyway. That might feel overwhelming and raise your emotional state, but for most non-black people, these last couple of weeks especially, is what we as black people feel every day. Think about how we feel when we are only in predominantly white spaces. Comfort zones were made to be broken so please take the time to talk.

3. Read. Yes, I can sit here and write a list of multiple books to help you educate yourself on being an ally, the history of racism, or anti-racist dialogue; or I can trust if you really cared you would do the research yourself on what to read. Here’s a hint: google is your best friend. You cannot rely on black people or people of color to provide you with all the answers. Reading will fundamentally help you learn. You will never know what it is like to be in my shoes, but as someone who has always enjoyed writing, because telling a story as a form escape and not feeling heard, reading a book helps put you there - it tries to help you understand. There's so many resources that exist right now so please find a list of books, like White Fragility, The Color of Law, Why are all the Black kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria, Me and White Supremacy, Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome, How to be an Antiracist, What Does it Mean to be White?, The Hate U Give, and then take some time to read. I know this is a lot, and no I'm not saying you have to read them all, but if you really want a small glimpse into what being black in America is like then this is your way to begin learning. There are some great documentaries and movies out there as well but please remember that most of these movies are made behind a white executive budget and there is information that was either not included or specifically excluded because of that, so please be mindful with what you are consuming. Documentaries, movies, or short films that are worth a watch are: Let the Fire Burn, The 13th (on Netflix), When They See Us (on Netflix), Just Mercy (free on amazon for the month of June), The Hate U Give, Do Not Resist.

4. Check your friends if they are saying ignorant, racist, and hateful things. As someone with a majority of white friends I need you to understand first these statements and this talk is not okay. They are wrong and they are hurtful, and yes I have experienced all of these and more firsthand. Statements like, “but you're different”, “you're not like other black people”, or “I don't care if you're black, brown, purple, etc because I don't see color”, and lastly if they say the N word just because it’s in a song on the radio or on at a bar or club. check them. Correct them, stand up to them. Because none of these statements are okay to say, they are hurtful, and dare I say it: racist.

Let' s start with the first one, you're different, “you're not like other black people.” That means you are lumping all black people into one category and you "surprised" them because you don't act or talk like what they think a "black person" should act or talk like. Secondly it means they have a negative connotation as to what or how a black person should act and neither of those are acceptable and both are racist. If you want to dive more closely into it rather than just writing them off for saying those things, ask them why they think you are different. Ask them follow up questions and figure out where this mindset comes from. Then remind them that not all black people are the same and stereotyping and judging them for it is wrong.

Second statement, “I don't care if you're black, brown, purple, etc. because I don't see color.” If you don't see color then you don't see me, you are unable to acknowledge that there is a difference between you and me. Plain and simple. Understanding that a black person’s life is literally more difficult just because of the color of their skin is a start.  Most of the time this statement is said with the best of intention, but it is time that you acknowledge us for who we are instead making me invisible by taking my ethnicity out of the equation. I hope by now you're starting to understand.

Let’s get to the last statement: if they say the n word because it’s in a song on the radio, at the bar or club, or they are just saying it to say it. Please read them for the filth they are. Okay maybe I'm being a little dramatic. There are multiple opinions on this word, who should be able to use it, and who shouldn't – all of which should still only be black people, but I am on the side of no one should use it. The N word is synonymous with oppression, execution, and subordination. This word was created by white slave masters to talk down to slaves because we were viewed as beneath them and not human. Its demoralizing, insulting, and wrong in every sense. I think of the pain that this word caused my family. My great aunts who grew up in the south, my grandma, my mother, myself who have all been called it; and because of that I choose not to use it.

5. Donate and Support Black Owned Businesses. Have you ever taken a second to think about the stores you shop at or who owns them? Majority are run by rich white males and every time we shop we are putting more money into their pockets. There’s a video circulating around social media right now that breaks down systematic racism. In the video it explains how a white kid has a leg up in society compared to the black kid. This helps explains how these big box companies are able to start and become the large corporations they are. It’s because the people that started them (rich white males) were able to secure funding to start and had people supporting them when wanting to expand. Black owned businesses will never be given the same opportunity unless more people start putting their money into these businesses. I said more people on purpose because, honestly, I don't do this enough, and the black community must do better overall.

There are other black beauty brands besides Fenty and Pat McGrath, so please research others when shopping. Donating is something that I don't do enough. There are people out there trying really hard to fight the good fight, and most of the time they need help or funds to do so. I don't think you always have to donate monetarily; I think that donating can come in other ways like with your time at your local women’s shelter, soup kitchen, habitat for humanity, food pantry, etc. There are other ways to donate and one of which can be with clothing. There are so many of us that probably don't wear half of our closet and instead of selling it for our own gain consider giving some of those items to local shelters rather than Goodwill. Because some of these women are looking to get back on their feet or their children need clothes for school and could benefit from your gently used clothes. Lastly, if you want to donate money - please do your research because there are so many amazing organizations where you can donate, but there’s also ones that may not fit what you are looking for. Don't always follow the trend of where everyone else is donating, look into it and see if it meets what you stand for. My friend sent me the link below that allows you to donate to 11 different organizations at once. That doesn’t mean it will be right for you, but it’s a great easy resource and a place to start.

6. Vote. People want to say this isn't political, but some of it is. If you want change in your area vote locally for the people that run your city, vote for the people that run your state. I exercise my right to vote as much as I can. In 1964 black people were finally given the right to vote, although it was until the 1965 Civil Rights Act that truly opened things up. Do the math, that was only 55 years ago. My aunt who is 94 years young was finally given the right to vote at the age of 39. Can you imagine not having a voice in this country that you worked for, paid taxes to, and lived in until you were 39 years old? Most people would say probably not. So please exercise your right to vote, research who is running for office and the policies they put in place because why not start doing better right now?

These are just 6 things I was able to come up with for you to contribute and make a change. This isn't everything, but it is a start. I can't be quiet on things that matter anymore, and I can't be quiet on things that personally affect my everyday life. My skin is not a trend and I will not try to dim it and fit in anymore. I understand that this may be a lot, and that all of this can be very overwhelming, so I am telling you to take some time with this. It can't all happen in the course of the weekend. Maybe if out of every 3 books you read 1 is from a black author, or if you are pregnant consider supporting a black owned business for something you will need to purchase for the baby, if you are struggling with figuring out where to go out to eat maybe look into one of the black owned restaurants in your area. There are ways to be a part of the change but it’s going to take a conscious effort by all of us to do so.